The Secret Every Woman Treasures & One That Guys Just Can’t Seem to Get
Vulnerability. What’s that? Vulnerability’s for wussies.
If you’re a guy like I was, maybe you’ll define it with even more patently offensive and sexist terminology. (Hint: it rhymes with wussies.)
And it’s not like I was—or am—some six-foot-two, 230-pound macho football jock bent on conquering the high-school prom queen.
I’m more the five-nine, bespectacled, 160-pound geek who is only happy not to choke on his words in front of a beautiful woman.
The definition of vulnerability, via the magic of Google search, is “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” Vulnerability, and we’re talking about emotional vulnerability, is opening yourself up to another human being, one with whom you want to trust and one who you want to trust you.
Brené Brown, the brilliant research professor at the University of Houston and the amazing speaker of TED-talk fame has this to say: “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.”
I’d also add that men, especially, have a tough time being vulnerable. Rather than add to the mountain of articles and evidence about the advantages of, or the absolute necessity of accepting vulnerability to live a wholesome life, I’m going to convince guys another way. I want especially all the men out there who never took the time to consider emotional vulnerability—much less be vulnerable—to know the secret power of emotional vulnerability.
It’s sexy as hell!
I mean it; it drives women crazy. So go ahead guys—if you need to begin being vulnerable for the sole reason of satisfying your woman, knock yourself out. I should add, too, that I’m pretty sure that the same goes for same-sex relationships as well, but being a cis, hetero guy I can only speak for myself.
What you’ll eventually find is that not only will you have a more satisfying sex life, but you’ll discover that being vulnerable will allow you to become a more authentic human being.
So why is it that guys don’t get this? Let’s find out.
Guys Don’t Want to Seem Weak
I think this point is the number one reason preventing men from understanding the power of their own emotional vulnerability. When men think of “getting in touch with their feelings” they believe that their wrists will become so limp that they won’t be able to spread the butter on their breakfast toast.
Here’s the thing though—emotional vulnerability is actually an act of enormous courage.
It’s courageous because when you have to open up and no longer hide behind the false-self you have created for yourself and others, you begin to merge with your authentic self. Believe it or not, men actually do have an emotional existence. It’s just that we so often like to hide, because we’re actually quite terrified what everyone will think of us.
Think emotional vulnerability is weak? Um. No. You’re wrong. It’s about the bravest thing you can do.
When I had to finally admit to myself that I could no longer drink like normal people, it was incredibly freeing. Finally, I didn’t have to hide! You know what else happened? My relationship with my wife got better.
And yeah, I’ll just say it—it was a huge turn-on for her. Why? Because it was really strong!
Redefining Your Emotional Life Will Supercharge Your Sex Life
Okay. I’m exaggerating a little. But the general gist of it is still 100% correct. Besides, you’re still reading, which means that I’ve achieved what I wanted to do as a writer.
Why am I going on and on about the connecting between vulnerability, relationships, sex, and life?
Because if you’re struggling to make ends meet in your situation because of a drug or alcohol problem, I can tell you that I’ve been there. I didn’t even want to consider what a terrible mess I put myself in, much less than delve into abyssal chaos of my emotional life. But with the help of professionals who knew what they’re doing and who used technology to benefit my emotional well-being, I suddenly experienced an epiphany about who I really was and what I wanted to do in life.
Not only can you do this as well, but I’m telling you, guys . . . do it. Get to the core of your emotional self. Be her macho man who’s in touch! It’s worth it.
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Daniel D. Maurer is a freelance writer, an award-winning Hazelden author, and a public speaker on recovery from addiction. He lives with his family in St. Paul, Minnesota.