Dating someone in recovery? Here are some simple ways to support them.
People in early addiction recovery are often advised not to get into relationships, and I’ve heard the same advice from the other side: don’t get involved with someone who’s in the early stages of recovery. After all, a relationship gone bad is a recipe for disaster for anyone, but heartbreak can be especially damaging to anyone trying to maintain their sobriety. But sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. Even if dating someone in recovery may not always be easy, your soulmate may come to you in a variety of ways … even when the timing isn’t convenient. From my own experience, here are a few tips that can help you become the best possible partner to someone who has suffered from addiction.
Communication
An open and honest dialogue with your partner is very important. This is true for all relationships but especially one that is with someone in recovery. Encourage them to express themselves, even if the conversation makes you uncomfortable. If your partner tells you “I want to use,” or “I’m having cravings,” it’s easy to resort to frustration. But this isn’t a helpful response. Instead of shaming them for vocalizing their cravings or thought processes, explore why they feel that way.
Addiction is often a symptom of an underlying problem or a flawed method of coping with it. Talking about their feelings will not only help your partner cope but can also give you insight into what triggers them or underlies their substance use. And of course, it can bring you two closer together.
Research
If you want to be the best possible partner for someone suffering from addiction take the initiative to do your homework. There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to addiction and doing your due diligence can help you understand your partner in a whole new way. Ignorance breeds fear which is one reason why some people might find dating someone in recovery a scary proposition.
Gaining a better understanding of how addiction affects your partner will not only help you ease that fear but also give you the knowledge of how to love someone who suffers from addiction. One place to start is with Workit Health’s guide for folks who have a loved one with substance use disorder. You can click here to get that downloadable guide in English or Spanish.
Patience
Recovery is not something that ends when your partner stops drinking or using; it is a daily battle, albeit one that will get easier with time. For most people, the recovery process never fully ends. Any person who has been addicted to a substance for an extended period of time will not come out from the other side unscathed. It is going to take time for them to fully recover. They may have anxiety. They may have trust issues. They may have depression. These are things that were probably there before they began using but drugs were able to make them temporarily go away. Now that they are in recovery, they may not initially have the tools to deal with these feelings that they previously escaped or repressed. But that doesn’t mean they won’t get there. Being patient, loving, and supportive through this period will be a godsend for your partner.
You don’t have to be intimidated by the prospect of dating someone in recovery as long as you know you are both willing partners, putting in the work. Patience, understanding, and love will make you and the person you care about much closer. There is no definite template for love in any instance but it is indeed possible for anyone who wants it.
