Content warning: This piece discusses domestic violence and child sexual abuse as experienced by the author, in a non-graphic manner.
My journey from darkness to light
Growing up in the small rural town of Peebles (about sixty miles east of Cincinnati, Ohio), I found joy in the simplest things—helping my grandma in her garden, showing pigs in 4H with my grandpa, doing gymnastics in their front yard, and catching fireflies in the dusky evenings. Family, friends, and staying active in my community have always lit me up inside. But beneath this idyllic surface, a storm was brewing.
The shadows of my past
My childhood was marked by profound loss and trauma. At just two years old, my mother gave birth to a stillborn baby boy, Justin. Two years later, my sister Paris was born prematurely and survived for only a few hours. These losses left an indelible mark on my family, especially my mother, who fell into a deep depression.
The void left by my siblings was a constant ache. I remember, at six years old, bringing home a foster child from school, thinking in my naive mind that I could simply choose a new brother. This incident spoke volumes about the unresolved grief and longing for a sibling bond that marked my childhood.
Adding to this trauma, when I was four, I was molested by my aunt. For decades, I buried this memory deep within me, too ashamed and confused to confront it. The pain of these experiences, coupled with my father’s deployment to Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War when I was young, left me feeling adrift and alone.
The descent into addiction
As I entered my teens and early twenties, I sought escape in alcohol and partying. What started as innocent fun quickly spiraled out of control. By 22, I had two DUIs under my belt, but even that wasn’t enough to make me stop.
I found myself drawn to toxic relationships, seeking validation and love in all the wrong places. My relationship with an ex-boyfriend, an alcoholic and drug addict, was the beginning of my descent into substance abuse. When he broke my nose in a drunken rage, I thought I had hit rock bottom. Little did I know, I had further to fall.
My next relationship was even more destructive. The physical and emotional abuse I endured left me broken, with a shattered back and a 6-week-old daughter to care for. The trauma of my past, the losses, the molestation, and the abandonment had left me with a profound sense of shame and self-loathing. I didn’t know how to break the cycle.
Even after I escaped and met my fiancé Jared, the love of my life, addiction had its claws deep in me. What started as pain pills for my back injury quickly escalated to meth. Before I knew it, I couldn’t recognize the mother I’d become or the misery I was drowning in.
The darkest hour
The shame consumed me, eating away at my soul like the drugs I couldn’t stop taking. Our house was a disaster—always messy and filthy, a physical manifestation of the chaos addiction had made of our lives. I could barely get the kids to school on time. Most days, I was either yelling at them in a fit of rage or lying in bed, my body wracked with the pain of withdrawal.
When I found out I was pregnant again, the shame intensified to a deafening roar. I was taking pain pills every single day just to function. The pills were prescribed initially for a back injury, but my use had spiraled out of control long ago. Now, with a new life growing inside me, I was wracked with self-loathing. How could I knowingly expose my innocent baby to such poison?
I lived in constant terror that someone would find out my secret and that CPS would take my kids away. The stigma of being an addict and a bad mother was so suffocating I couldn’t bear to reach out for help. Not even to my doctor. So I suffered in tortured silence, drowning in shame and self-hatred.
The dawn of recovery
Rock bottom is what finally brought me to my knees. I couldn’t keep living as I was, and I needed help. The road to recovery hasn’t been easy, but I thank God I found the strength to walk it daily. With Jared by my side and the unconditional love for my kids propelling me forward, I fought like hell to get sober.
Before finding Workit Health, I tried three different MAT treatment places in my hometown. Each time, I felt judged and punished when I relapsed or missed group sessions due to work commitments. The rigid structure and lack of understanding made me feel like a failure, pushing me further into despair.
But then I found Workit Health, and everything changed. For the first time, I felt understood and supported. The flexible, personalized approach allowed me to balance my recovery with my work and family commitments. Instead of judgment, I found compassion. Instead of punishment, I found guidance.
A message of hope
It’s been four years now, and I’m not looking back. I’m in school pursuing my dream of becoming a psychologist, determined to shatter the stigma around addiction in my community. I genuinely believe that the opposite of addiction is connection. For so long, my trauma and shame kept me isolated, unable to reach out for help. Recovery has taught me the power of vulnerability, of sharing our stories so others feel less alone.
To anyone considering recovery with Workit Health—this is your sign, your moment. Embrace it with everything you’ve got. The road ahead won’t be perfect or easy, but I promise it will be worth it. One day, one step, one breath at a time. Believe in yourself, and never give up on the comeback story you were born to live.
Workit Health offers more than just treatment; it offers a community of understanding, a place where your individual goals and struggles are recognized and supported. It’s a place where you can heal not just your addiction, but the underlying pain and trauma that fueled it.
Your bravest days are ahead of you. Recovery is possible and the greatest gift you can give yourself. You are not alone, and you are worthy of a better life. The trauma and pain you’ve experienced do not define you. It’s never too late to ask for help and start over.
Recovery gave me a second chance to become the mom, partner, daughter, and woman I was always meant to be. It lit up my life again from the inside out. Let Workit Health be the light that guides you out of the darkness. Your journey to recovery starts now, and I promise you, it’s a journey worth taking.
