I’ve witnessed uproar in the recovery community this week as sober influencers have weighed in on Brad Pitt’s return to drinking. While they may have good intentions for getting on their “we all know where this ends” soapboxes, I think there is a real risk of creating barriers to recovery and giving sobriety a bad reputation when we claim to know better about any individual’s recovery choices. This is sober evangelism. And I’m not alone with that perspective!
What’s all the fuss about?
Earlier this week, Esquire published a story glorifying Brad Pitt as the “top 1 percent of the top 1 percent of all movie stars.” Within this interview, apparently focused on rebuilding his reputation, the story also mentions Pitt’s return to alcohol after a period of sobriety.
The author, Ryan D’Agostino, notes this change in Pitt’s relationship with substances, stating, “We pull down the little Perriers pretty quick, and I point out that he offered me wine earlier. At an awards ceremony in 2020, he thanked his friend Bradley Cooper for helping him get sober and talked more deeply about his sobriety on Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert, last June. I ask him if the wine is something for guests?”
Brad stated that while he was sober for seven years, “I got back off the wagon … in a more restrained manner …” He goes on to explain that he cannot drink in large quantities, but can have a glass of wine and is “a professional about it.” That’s it. In a very long interview about how amazing the author thinks Pitt is, there is just one paragraph about his relationship with alcohol.
The criticism: “Powerless over alcohol” doesn’t go away
I’ve encountered many posts this week from sobriety coaches and influencers claiming to know better about Pitt’s decision. Some even went as far as to speak for us all, including a writer who shared, “I’ve hosted a lot of meetings with a lot of people, and there’s one thing I’ve never heard. No one has ever come back to me and said, ‘Guess what? I went back to drinking, and it all just worked out.’”
In another sober influencer post criticising Pitt, a sobriety coach stated, “Brad Pitt is drinking again. That doesn’t mean you should. Once a pickle, always a pickle …” The coach went on to speak for all people in recovery, stating, “We can’t undo years of drinking and think we can drink normally again once we flip that switch. It’s always going to be our thing. So you can either fight it or accept it.” They go on to argue that while they’re not judging Brad or what’s right for him, they are saying it may be treated as “permission for us to reconsider a decision that may have saved our lives.”
As a person in long-term recovery, a therapist and social worker, and someone who runs a community of thousands of people who have left 12-step recovery, I challenge this perspective. I know it is simply not true for everyone. There is 12-step-related rhetoric that goes something like, “If you’re a real alcoholic,” you cannot moderate alcohol consumption, and therefore returning to use inevitably means “jails, institutions, or death.”
However, I know many people who have returned to moderate use of substances. Just like any health-related choice, sometimes that choice works for us, and other times it gives us more information to make an informed decision about what is next.
The defense: There are many ways to do recovery, and some of them include moderation
Charlotte told me, “I totally had a problem with drinking when younger. Now not at all. I drink once in a blue moon and have like one drink.”
Trev shared with me that returning to substances was an empowering experience for them. They stated, “I actually started drinking again, had no issues with it at all, but have now stopped again. It felt so great to reclaim that control and power of that one substance.” They went on to explain, “I’m also using medical marijuana now, and it’s improved my life massively with chronic pain and general mood. I have a very low tolerance, and such a small amount supports me so well. Sometimes I have to take it every day for a week. You’d think it would build a habit, but it’s the opposite; I actually can’t wait for a break.”
For Trev, they still consider themselves in recovery (but don’t classify it as sobriety), and they still practice recovery-related ways of coping. They shared, “Being in recovery gives me tools to be able to know myself and respond accordingly and not get into a whole circus shit show performance again, and that is such a gift!”
One reason why we don’t hear stories about people successfully moderating is because of the fear of backlash from the recovery community and 12-step rooms. “I always want to talk about it, but I’m wary of people in the rooms. I also don’t want to give anyone ideas, because, to be honest, if I’d tried it any sooner than I did, it might have just sent me off the rails,” Trev said. I loved their concern about allowing others to make safe and intentional choices.
An alternate perspective: Recovery evolves
While I acknowledge that getting sober has been a life-changing decision for many people in recovery, I also believe that recovery is an evolutionary process. We heal, we strengthen our coping skills, we learn more about ourselves, and we make new, informed decisions about what is and is not right for us. Those decisions are not necessarily fixed for everyone. I believe we also evolve our conception of recovery.
Author Emily Lynn Paulson relates to changing our views about what recovery looks like. She shares, “I used to be part of this—the belief that there was a ‘best way’ to recover. It’s so understandable that when something works for you, you assume it will be the same for everyone, but that simply isn’t the case.”
She goes on to explain, while prefacing that (from what she’s read about him) Pitt is not the best human, “Maybe this is a terrible thing for Brad Pitt, maybe it isn’t, and while he put himself in the crosshairs by making this ‘announcement,’ the last thing people in recovery should be doing is eye-rolling or finger-pointing. How about, ‘Good luck; if you need us, we are here.’ It’s almost as if people are rooting for him to fail.”
Paulson isn’t the only person who shared concerns about Pitt. In case you didn’t know, Pitt has been accused publicly of an alleged “history of physical abuse” towards his ex-wife and their children. I chatted with Stori, who shared their issue with giving airtime to people who are alleged to have caused harm to others. They stated, “Let’s also be nuanced enough to recognize this news isn’t about sobriety; it’s a violent man reining in his reputation.” While they agree that we shouldn’t claim to be authorities on others’ choices in recovery, “It’s just very irking for me to see an abuser used as an example.” I think this is another reason to be mindful (myself included) when using celebrities to make content.
[If you or someone you love is dealing with domestic violence, Liz Brico shared helpful information in our post “Resources for Getting Help When Dealing With Domestic Violence.”]
Shaming and blaming blocks people from recovery
The decision to enter recovery is a personal one, and so, too, is how we recover. We all know there are many pathways to recovery. When we claim to speak for all, or know better about people’s choices, we come off as paternalistic and patronizing, and we narrow the entryway into recovery. We can also create shame for people who choose different recovery goals and for those who try moderation. Shame is a major barrier to recovery.
Given that only 16 percent of people with substance use disorder get access to treatment, I believe we should be doing everything we can to broaden that entryway. We can’t fight stigma on one hand while making posts that shame our own on the other. I argue we have a responsibility to non-judgmentally respect people’s choices when it comes to their journeys, while extending the hand of recovery to those who seek it.