Before recovery, my life felt like I was constantly trying to escape myself. I started using at around 14 years old, and for a long time, substances became my way of coping with things. I didn’t know how to process my emotions that felt too heavy to carry from everything I had gone through up to that point, and I was also trying to navigate mental illness as well.
What started as a way to numb myself and all the pain turned into years of addiction. I wasn’t living. I was just surviving—barely holding things together. I spent a lot of time feeling lost, disconnected, broken … honestly, I had begun to give up on myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I didn’t think that I ever would.
I had moments over the years where I knew something wasn’t right, but I thought for the longest time that I was the problem. I went through cycles of trying to stop using, relapsing, and falling back down into the same patterns. I beat myself up even more because I wasn’t able to just do it. Or because I wasn’t strong enough, or because I was damaged.
The change that pushed me forward
Just when I thought that cycle would be my story for the rest of my life, I became pregnant with my son.
For the first time, it wasn’t just about me anymore. I had something real to fight for, someone who deserved better. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was. I didn’t want my child to grow up the way I had.
I tried to quit more times than I can count. I tried doing it on my own, telling myself I could control it, or that I was “done” without actually having the tools or support to stay that way. There were a lot of relapses along the way. A lot of trial and error. A whole lot of starting over. And even more frustration and shame than I ever imagined.
It took a long time for me to understand that willpower alone wasn’t enough, and that I needed real support, structure, and accountability to actually stay in recovery. Music and writing became an outlet when I didn’t have the words to say things out loud. They helped me process what I had been running from for so long. I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.
I finally got the help I needed
Workit Health has been a huge part of helping me on my journey. Having access to support, medication, and a community of people who understand what this journey looks like has made all the difference. Before Workit Health, I felt alone, lost, and without anyone I could turn to. I couldn’t talk to anyone about what I was going through because they didn’t understand, and I eventually got tired of hoping someone would. I felt isolated.
Workit gave me something I’d never had—the ability to connect with others who understand. To remind myself that I’m not alone, and that recovery isn’t something we have to do in isolation. It’s given me a space where I can be honest, be heard, and keep growing. Workit has become my family.
Don’t give up!
To anyone out there struggling, I would say: you’re not alone, even when it feels like you are. I know how hard it is to imagine a different life when you’re in the middle of addiction. I know what it feels like to want to numb everything just to get through the day.
But change is possible. Even if it takes time, even if you fall along the way. Recovery isn’t easy. You’ll need to learn who you are again, what you enjoy, and how to live without numbing everything. And that’s still something I’m working on myself. But today, I’m stronger than I was. I don’t give up on myself the way I used to. And you shouldn’t either.
My son is the reason I kept going, but staying in recovery is something I now do for both of us. I want to be present. I want to be better. I want to keep becoming someone not only my son can be proud of but that I’m proud of. And Workit Health made me realize that was possible.
If you’re not sure where to start, just start somewhere. Reach out. Talk to someone. Take one step.
You are worth the effort it takes to heal.